What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:02
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Do you suck dicks with no reciprocation?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Can ringing in the ears be a sign of spiritual awakening?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
What's your favorite stupid joke?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Have you ever followed through being bi-curious?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We all went to grammer schools
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Do you enjoy cheating on your spouse? If so, why?
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It was going to be , some day.
But it wasn’t much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
So, i spoilt her more .
I waited trembling.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I will be 64.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
She loved him until the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot live in the past .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Would this be the day?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I said to her
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
My life is so biszare .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im still living with it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was seconnd youngest,
I have no regrets .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She found it foreign!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Who then, do I blame.?
I think the readers, may guess!
He knew the spot.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She married twice! .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So whats the point in blame.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i lived it daily.
What did i know ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I don,t even have a pension.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.